Honestly, I'm not sure if it's a blessing or a curse.
As I've said, I generally think the best of people. I really do. It's not naivete - I've been around the block a time or two - I seem to be hardwired to be naturally trusting and optimistic even when I know better. The upside to this is a generally sunny disposition and low blood pressure. The downside is that when people DO disappoint me, it hurts. A lot.
Anyway. My day.
Now, I've worked at Jack-in-the-Box. I've worked at Wal-Mart three times over the years. Hell, I've worked at Wal-Mart in the Electronics Department at Christmas. And every time I've run a register, it's balanced to the penny at the end of my shift. And I started the same way at this job, too. But lately my totals have been screwed up a lot lately, usually because of a mathematical error on my part, causing me to hold everyone up while I recount and check deposit reports until I find where I don't agree. Maybe I'm tired. Maybe it's the fact that the ventilation system broke and it's been around 100 degrees in the cafeteria the last several shifts I've worked. Maybe I'm just going senile at the ripe old age of thirty-something. But it's making the perfectionist in me scream.
Today, I said, I'm done. I will be triply careful, and I will balance the first time. And I paid meticulous attention to my counts. So when my total came up TEN DOLLARS short today, I knew I'd finally balanced to the penny. Because I also knew precisely that I was missing one ten-dollar bill from the currency. I'd walked away from my drawer for thirty seconds after my shift and forgotten that I hadn't yet locked the door where the kids come in to my line - something I usually do as soon as the last student is gone. And then there wasn't a ten where a ten should have been.
One of the children stole from me today.
Fervently hoping that I was wrong, I dashed back to my terminal to look for the ten. Perhaps it had fallen on the floor or under my register. I got down on my knees and scanned under everything; then still on my knees, I lowered my head to the floor and cried.
We recounted everything to make sure it really wasn't a miscalculation, and then my supervisor said she'd document the missing ten for me. I really don't care. It was ten dollars. I would gladly have replaced it from my purse. Heck, I probably won't even be at this job next year. I cried because I was just so hurt and disappointed that any of 'my kids' would steal from me. I know better than to believe every one of them would pass up the opportunity to swipe money from my drawer...but I still believed it.
Sometimes, I really wish I didn't think so highly of people.
As I've said, I generally think the best of people. I really do. It's not naivete - I've been around the block a time or two - I seem to be hardwired to be naturally trusting and optimistic even when I know better. The upside to this is a generally sunny disposition and low blood pressure. The downside is that when people DO disappoint me, it hurts. A lot.
Anyway. My day.
Now, I've worked at Jack-in-the-Box. I've worked at Wal-Mart three times over the years. Hell, I've worked at Wal-Mart in the Electronics Department at Christmas. And every time I've run a register, it's balanced to the penny at the end of my shift. And I started the same way at this job, too. But lately my totals have been screwed up a lot lately, usually because of a mathematical error on my part, causing me to hold everyone up while I recount and check deposit reports until I find where I don't agree. Maybe I'm tired. Maybe it's the fact that the ventilation system broke and it's been around 100 degrees in the cafeteria the last several shifts I've worked. Maybe I'm just going senile at the ripe old age of thirty-something. But it's making the perfectionist in me scream.
Today, I said, I'm done. I will be triply careful, and I will balance the first time. And I paid meticulous attention to my counts. So when my total came up TEN DOLLARS short today, I knew I'd finally balanced to the penny. Because I also knew precisely that I was missing one ten-dollar bill from the currency. I'd walked away from my drawer for thirty seconds after my shift and forgotten that I hadn't yet locked the door where the kids come in to my line - something I usually do as soon as the last student is gone. And then there wasn't a ten where a ten should have been.
One of the children stole from me today.
Fervently hoping that I was wrong, I dashed back to my terminal to look for the ten. Perhaps it had fallen on the floor or under my register. I got down on my knees and scanned under everything; then still on my knees, I lowered my head to the floor and cried.
We recounted everything to make sure it really wasn't a miscalculation, and then my supervisor said she'd document the missing ten for me. I really don't care. It was ten dollars. I would gladly have replaced it from my purse. Heck, I probably won't even be at this job next year. I cried because I was just so hurt and disappointed that any of 'my kids' would steal from me. I know better than to believe every one of them would pass up the opportunity to swipe money from my drawer...but I still believed it.
Sometimes, I really wish I didn't think so highly of people.
2 comments:
oh Ellie. I was just thinking 'I miss her posts ..." and then when I saw that you had posted today I was so happy - and then I read this. I hate hearing about people being hurt. I so understand this hurt, and this disappointment. You have every right to be sad at this. and angry. and let down. that truly just sucks.
and honestly, the last line - that you hate that you think so highly of people - that right there my friend is verbatim to what sean has been saying to me for the 20 something years he has known me.
he's hoping that this year, THIS year as I age UP to the mature age of, ahem .... older ... that I will learn to recognize that people do bad things, and make bad decisions regardless of what i think they should do. {sigh}
I'm feeling for you - ((hugs))
That's really crummy, Ellie. I, too, am deeply trusting, and it hurts so much to be let down.
What I've taken to telling myself when it happens (which, I admit, is pretty rare -- people so often DO live up to my expectations of them!) is this: so-and-so was just doing his miserable best at that moment. It wasn't a very impressive best ... it was lame or awful or whatever ... but in that moment, it was his best.
Does it help? Sometimes. Sometimes all I can do is cry the disappointment out...
Post a Comment