Lunch l337y

"I used to be 'With It'. But then they changed what IT was. Now what I'm with isn't IT, and what's IT seems scary and wierd. It'll happen to YOU." -- Abe Simpson

One thing that perpetually cracks me up is the dogged belief of children that theirs is the only generation that's With It. It's true, in many aspects I am quite out of touch with the younger crowd. It's true, I don't 'get' a lot of their television shows, their music, or why that have to play it so gosh-darned LOUD for that matter. But children also invariably believe that as an adult, I don't 'get' video games. Being over the age of thirty, surely I would never touch such a thing.

Silly rabbit! We're the kids of Generation X. The MTV generation. The pop-culture obsessed slackers who grew up with Reagan and Star Wars and the Cold War. And we were the first generation to grow up with video games. I myself had an Adam computer and an Atari 2600. I played Infocom games on my Commodore 64, and I knew that if I went into the darkness that I might get eaten by a grue. I was thrilled in high school to receive an NES for Christmas, and spent long hours tracking down Triforce pieces, for who else could save the kingdom of Hyrule? Sure, video games were for kids...we just never stopped playing as gradually we grew up to be really big kids with jobs and kids of our own.

As I sat at my register today checking student after student through the lunch line today, I heard an argument start up a few feet down the line. I couldn't follow the conversation (nor was I trying), but I gathered that three boys were discussing the game Halo. By the time they got close to me their argument was making it difficult to hear the other children, and the gist of it seemed to be - this is a direct quote - "Dude, you're GAY if you don't like Halo!!"

"Boys!" I said. "Come on, now. I like Halo just as much as you do, but could we please discuss this a little more quietly?"

All three stopped conversing and looked at me with extreme amusement. "Do you even know what Halo IS?" one of them scoffed.

"Of course I do," I replied, "I played all three of them."

Their complete and utter overreaction to this news was hilarious. All three of them started visibly, and two of them yelled "Whoa!"

Heheh. Oh noez, teh lunchlady can has Halo! Pwn3d!

Ratted Out!

Kids just never know when a good thing shouldn't be pushed.

One entree, two sides, one milk. It's my mantra, what I say to children day after day. These are the components of a "Type A" school lunch. Entrees are required to contain a certain quantity of carbohydrates and protein, and children must choose two different sides, presumably to encourage a wider selection of food groups; this is a state mandate, not a suggestion.

But, it's full of holes. A surprisingly large number of children like to just get an entree and two juice cups as their sides, with apple being the most popular by far. By the state guidelines, this is okay with the lunchladies as long as they are two different flavors of juices.

This strikes me as incredibly inane. I know they're trying to start teaching the kids to make their own choices, hopefully healthy choices. But kids generally aren't going to make healthy choices if they can possibly help it. They come through my line with two identical juices, and when I tell them the rule they tell me they really can't stand the other kinds. And I relate. I hate grape juice. I hate orange juice. What do I care? Kids are choosing nachos and cheese with juice and more juice for lunch, and have the right to do so. Is this nutritional trainwreck going to be turned around if I make them mix up the juices? So I tend to - quietly - tell them "Just go." And they know I'm bending the rule for them.

Well, I got a talkin' to today by the other cashier, the lady who runs the line on the other side of the cafeteria. Kids don't always end up in the same line every day - sometimes kids who usually see me will end up on the other end for a day. And when instructed to take a juice back and get something else, what do you think they say to her?

"Well, the OTHER lunchlady lets us do it this way!"

She wanted to know if this was true. And to remind me that this was state policy. Of course I told her I had merely forgotten; that I didn't always catch what types of juices they had on their trays as they rapidly passed my register. And I assured her that I would of course take more care in the future to make sure it didn't happen again.

So there it is. Kids, you thought it was a stupid rule. I agreed with you. And now you've ensured that I will have to enforce it, you geniuses.